Frost on pansies
This year, I had the joy of conducting a handfasting for the son of a dear old friend. He and his American bride had already married in the USA, where he’s lived for many years, but wanted a Scottish handfasting ceremony that would include their many family and friends here, in their first visit since Covid times. Simple tartan ribbon bound their hands to one another as they made their declarations.
I loved the opportunity to plan their ceremony via Zoom - it’s good to know that you can still build rapport even across the Atlantic. I already felt great affection for both, by the time we could share a hug between our 3D selves in Edinburgh.
We were able to acknowledge her Mexican family heritage, a vital element of their original marriage ceremony. This had taken took place on 2 November, the Day of the Dead, who are believed to return to their families for that day. The couple had even created an altar with candles, photographs and other mementoes of those who had gone before. This story was recounted in their Scottish ceremony, so that friends here would understand more about Fela’s background.
It was a beautiful reminder that we can choose to make anyone part of our ceremony, whether they are alive or dead.
At a ceremony I conducted for another couple last year, a beautiful, very stylish hat was quietly placed on a front row chair, representing the groom’s late, dearly-loved mother, who would so wished to have been there.
I try to take these elements into account in every ceremony I prepare with clients. Whether we are celebrating a young child's naming day, a wedding or funeral or any other life stage ceremony, we can consider the circle of life, and find ways to acknowledge, commemorate and celebrate the people - and even animals - we have loved, who have made us what we are. We can do this by drawing on photographs, slides, songs and tunes, quotations, poetry, symbolic objects, handcrafted objects, ritual, food and drink, even dance.
If that appeals, but you need inspiration - or are overwhelmed with emotion - it's my privilege to gently help you explore the possibilities, so that the ceremony will reflect the uniqueness and rich legacy of those who have mattered to you.
If this brings to mind even a fleeting idea for a future family ceremony, why not make a note now? - and be sure to file it somewhere you (or others) can find it again. I speak from experience!
Carol, February 2024